Ending a relationship

• Be honest : you might not want to hurt someone by telling him or her for example that you’ve met someone else, but you’re going to hurt them a whole lot more if you don’t tell them, and they find out later on

• Be brave: Don’t start being really mean to them, hoping that they’ll break up with you and you won’t have to say anything about you feel. Ending a relationship is a skill you need to learn as a part of growing up. Take a deep breath.

• Think long term : You might be tempted just ring up and leave a break up message on their answer phone, or send and email, but shamed will you feel if you bump in to them later? The least you can do is show them the final respect of talking with them in person.

• Choose the right place and time: Try and tell them as soon as you are clear about what you want. Choose a time and place where you both have some privacy to talk about it uninterrupted, not in the middle of shopping mall, or in the queue at Mc Donald.

• Be prepared: While you may have been thinking about this for a while, and have had a chance to process it in your own mind and heart, the other person may not have any idea that the relationship is coming to an end. Understand that may be sad/angry/shocked. Allow them time to say what they want to say too, don’t just tell them and run!

• Be clear: Don’t send mixed messages about maybe getting back together in the future to keep them on the hook, or say if they changed you’d consider going out with them again. Either stays in the relationship and work with the other person to ensure it’s what you both want, or end it, and leave the future to itself. You soon to be ex isn’t there to be a backstop or second choice if things don’t work out with the new person!

• Allow yourself to grieve: You were in the relationship for some reason, at some stage, there was something you wanted or needed that you got out of being in that relationship. It’s important to allow yourself private tome to grieve that is now over and gone. The amount of time needed depends on lots of things, like the length, intensity, and expectations of the relationship. Honest grieving allows for closure, and helps you to fully move on.

• Get support for yourself: Breaking up is hard to do, even when it’s the best thing to happen. You might want to spend some time with a good friend afterwards.